HARRY'S TOUR DIARY - MARCH 2008

Truth be told, the whole Turin experience rattled us a bit more than Lonz let on. Needle Park wasn't the Italy we know and love; it was the dark side. A bit real, if you know what I mean. The desolation of the junky wasteland wasn't helped by the relentless fog, and later, a hotel in the middle of a vast and ancient Fiat factory that seemed completely empty except for us. Ghosts were everywhere. Don't get me wrong; the gig was, as usual, a riot. Italian crowds never fail to disappoint - But it was with a small sigh of relief that we got back on the bus and headed to Milan to mime on a big TV show on Rai Uno. A Football program with dancing girls... That's more like it - reality Italian TV style.



We were met by the stylish and rather beautiful Vanessa - her accent somewhere between Italy and Kent (an English mother she later told us) who sashayed her way across the studio floor like a Burmese cat through a building site, to lead us to the dressing rooms, - Or the un-dressing rooms, judging by the amount of olive skinned flesh there was limbering up and powdering down. "I've fallen in love 20 times already" Tour manager, Mozza splutters.

The set looked good - they had the 'Second Sight' video playing behind us and a nice '60s style circular podium. One run through and we were back in the flesh pit. Between the bouncing dancers and the sultry Vanessa, Mozza was at boiling point. We'd better go on soon or something's going to give.



Showtime. We opened the door of our dressing room and squeezed past another tight pair of scantily clad buttocks towards the studio. "What's the cue? Who do we need to look at?" asks Crispian "Oh... there'll be clapping... it will be obvious... you'll hear the play back..."

Hmm. Ok. We're on our own boys. It turns out that we're opening the show, and as the guitars are readied, a blonde, pneumatic woman strides purposefully towards us. She shakes each of our hands and informs us that she is Simona, the host of the show, and she is very much looking forward to working with us. With that she disappears as fast as she arrived, and the opening credits roll. We are momentarily transfixed by the montage of Simona's cleavage that follows on the monitors until a guy with a faux-hawk at the back of the studio audience starts the applause and someone lets fly with a whole lot of Italian ending in the words Kula Shaker. Nothing happens. Dodge shoots a look of pure comedy back at me as I'm wondering what's going on when suddenly the playback is hurriedly turned up - halfway through the intro, Alonza's mic falls off its stand and we spring into action. Like clockwork. No-one will ever know we were miming. As soon as the song finishes a dude jumps on stage and sticks a Star Trek style ear piece in Dodges ear and Simona re-appears and unleashes a torrent of Italian at him. Dodge later describes the translation as 'laconic' and blames it on the fact that he spent the whole interview talking at her breasts, managing to slip in a Dolly Parton reference and even something about his mother. Soon enough we're off to the un-dressing rooms again and Crispian turns round to me - "Surreal enough for you?" Yes thank you. More of that please.



Love to all of Italy. Looking forward to coming back soon.

H x